Reader: For six years, I've run an office that has two employees: me and my boss. He used to be so appreciative that I didn't mind doing a little extra, but about two months ago, he started being rude and demanding. Now he even yells when I don't have time to bring his favorite wine to his home after work.
This change started when we met a wealthy new customer, who is a huge jerk (古怪的人) — my boss's new behavior is just like his.
My boss is a good man; he and his family have treated me like a little sister. Is there a good way to discuss this with him?
Karla: Sounds like your new customer has set a bad example to your boss. You need to remind your boss that you're in his corner— but you're not his slave. My suggestions are as follows.
Start with a simple question in a calm moment: "Is everything okay?"
State the truth: "Until recently, I've felt like a valued teammate. But our relationship has become tense. Your expectations of me seem to have changed. Although I used to do occasional personal businesses for you as a favor, now it seems expected."
Draw your lines: "If you think my job description needs to change or my performance is not good enough, let's discuss that. Otherwise, I need you to stop yelling at me and to respect my personal time."
Ideally, you'll get an apology and a promise to do better. After that, it's a matter of reinforcement (加强) . If he starts yelling, look at him with a calm expression. After he cools down, restate his request and add, "Is that correct?" For the unreasonable request, such as fetching his favorite wine after work: "I'm afraid I can't take care of that for you." If he keeps acting like a jerk, there are bosses out there who will better respect your time and talent.
Karla L. Miller is ready to hear your work dramas. Send your questions to wpmagazine@washpost.com.
