If a family member blames you for something you have done, it is important to be careful about how you defend yourself. It is not a good idea to use ways that cause hurt, even if they would help you make a valid point. If you can think of an instance where the other person has done exactly what they accuse you of, for example, it would not be good manners to throw it in their face. You should only bring it up if you don't have a choice. Then, you should make sure that you do it respectfully.
Even if a family member intentionally goes against reasonable wishes you may have, you should understand that people see even the most fundamental things in very different ways. Remember that people are different. If you consider any noise after midnight to be intolerable, for example, others may see it is completely acceptable. It can take them a great deal of time to change their behavior for a demand that they do not understand.
Think about the family conflicts that you are worried about now. Check to see if your parents had similar problems. People who grow up with parents who fight unfairly often repeat the same behavior. Consider changing the unfair habits that you grew up with.
Understand that memories tend to change. In long-standing family disputes, all parties involved tend to have completely different recollections of the original problem.
Families are a curious concept—while family members often feel nothing but annoyed for one another, they will also often be there for them if they should ever be in serious trouble. When you feel resentment for someone, think about how far you would go for them if they happened to be in trouble. It could help soften you. Think about how you care for the other person.
