When I was a foreign teacher in China, every day I taught English to my students and they taught me about China. One day the topic turned to saying "I love you". I was shocked to learn that not one of my students had said this to their mothers, nor had their mothers said it to them. "Does your morn love you?" "Of course," they answered.
"How do you know?" was my logical question. They responded that their moms cooked and always told them what they were doing wrong to show their caring. I was stunned. So mom's cooking and criticizing read out as "I love you". "Then how do you say 'I love you' to her?" They agreed that getting good grades, followed by good jobs would be how they showed their love.
I come from a culture where most people are expressive enough, so I repeated these queries in classes over time. Gradually, I began to get different response. Some of them had exchanged those sentiments with their morns.
One of my favorite stories of change came from a girl. When she came home from university, her mother met her at the door and hugged (拥抱) her. This had never happened before, but her morn said, "Now that you have gone, I have more time to myself. I noticed that in some places mothers and children hug each other and I decided it was a good idea and that I would begin hugging you. "
In my family we all say "I love you" a lot. While it is true that we often say the words without having great depth of feelings at that moment, it is almost like a blessing we give each other. Those three little words carry a world of meaning, even when said as a greeting, but most especially if they are the last words we say to or hear from those we love.
