A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great state of New York, to run against Stewart L. Woodford and John T. Hoffman. I really felt dirty to run against them for all their shameful crimes that were reported on newspapers. However, as a candidate, I had no choice.
The next morning, as I was looking listlessly over the papers at breakfast, I came across his paragraph:
PERJURY- Mr. Mark Twain, a candidate for Governor, was convicted of perjury by thirty-four people, in Wakawak, in 1863. He intended to rob a poor woman of her land, her only stay and support after her husband died. For Mr. Twain himself, as well as the public, he needs to clear this matter up. Will he do it?
What a lie! I never had heard of Wakawak!
During the rest of the time, I got a title "the Infamous Perjurer Twain" on this paper.
Next came "Gazette", with this:
WANTED TOKNOW -When Mfr. Twain was in Montana, his workmates lost small valuables from time to time, until at last, these things having all been found on Mr. Twain's person or in his suitcase. Will he explain this to his fellow-citizens?
I got a new title, "Twain, the Montana Thief". But I never was in Montana in my life.
Then another newspaper article:
DELIRIUM TREMENSTWAIN-Mark Twain, who was to make a speech at the mass meeting of the Independents last night, didn't come to time! He argued that he had been knocked down by a runaway team and his leg broken in two places. But a certain man who was very drunk was seen to reel into Mr. Twain's hotel last night. It is his duty to prove that this person was not Mark Twain himself WHO WAS THATMAN?
I did not drink!
In the following weeks, I got more titles like "Delirium Tremens", "Body-Snatcher", "Filthy Corruptionist ", etc. Then one morning:
Mr. Mark Twain sill maintains SILENCE. He dare not speak Dare he open his mouth to explain?
Before I could reply, more dirty charges poured up on me. One day they even taught nine little children of all shades of colour to rush on to the platform at a public meeting and call me Pa(father)!
I gave up. I sent them a letter to state that I gave up, and in bitterness of spirit I signed it,
"Truly yours, Once a decent man but now MARKTWAIN, IP. , M. T. , D. T. , B. S. and FC. "
