Your colleague's sharp comment keeps replaying in your mind. Two of your students are trapped in a "he said/she said" battle. When you reflect on your emotional reactions, you sometimes get caught up in cycles of negative feelings, which can make you feel even worse. If so, the answer may lie in a skill called "self-distancing", the ability to take a step back and view yourself more objectively. According to a research, when people adopt self-distancing while discussing a difficult event, they make better sense of their reactions, experience less emotional suffering, and display fewer signs of stress.
But what might self-distancing look like in action? Consider a typical "he said/she said" student conflict where they are each focusing on their own feelings. One is thinking," I can't believe he did that to me." And another insists, "She really hurt my feelings." However, if you ask them to take the self-distancing, they might step outside of themselves and ask broader questions: "Why was he so hurt in this situation?" or "How did her anger affect him?"
Although this approach may sound too simple to be effective, studies indicate that a change in point of view can have a powerful effect on the way people think, feel, and behave. Here are several different techniques you can try.
First, consider how a thoughtful friend might respond after quietly observing their situation. Besides, avoid using the pronoun "I". Focus on using third-person pronouns, he, she, they, and they were able to see the stressful event as challenging rather than threatening. Finally, ask yourself, "How would I feel about this one week from now or ten years from now?" This form of mental time travel may be effective because our attention is directed away from our immediate, concrete circumstances.
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