You can't imagine how terrible I felt at that time. A month before my first marathon, one of my ankles was injured and this meant not running for two weeks, leaving me only two weeks to train. Yet, I was determined to go ahead.
I remember back to my 7th year in school. In my first PE class, the teacher required us to run laps and then hit a softball. I didn't do either well. He later informed me that I was "not athletic".
The idea that I was "not athletic" stuck with me for years. When I started running in my 30s, I realised running was a battle against myself, not about competition or whether or not I was athletic. It was all about the battle against my own body and mind. A test of wills!
The night before my marathon, I dreamed that I couldn't even find the finish line. I woke up sweating and nervous, but ready to prove something to myself.
Shortly after crossing the start line, my shoe laces (鞋带) became untied. So I stopped to readjust. Not the start I wanted!
At mile 3, I passed a sign: "GO FOR IT, RUNNERS!"
By mile 17, I became out of breath and the once injured ankle hurt badly. Despite the pain, I stayed the course walking a bit and then running again.
By mile 21, I was starving!
As I approached mile 23, I could see my wife waving a sign. She is my biggest fan. She never minded the alarm clock sounding at 4 am or questioned my expenses on running.
I was one of the final runners to finish. But I finished! And I got a medal. In fact, I got the same medal as the one that the guy who came in first place had.
Determined to be myself, move forward, free of shame and worldly labels (世俗标签), I can now call myself a "marathon winner".
