Quiet the Complainer
For years, Jane Booth's mother made lengthy airing of complaints. It got so bad that Jane felt it was ruining the quality of their time together, so she finally spoke up and helped her mother realize how often she complained. It turned out that Jane's intervention not only helped her mother—it also helped their relationship.
You may not be as direct as Jane was to her mother, but there are other ways to get a constant complainer to end. To be effective, it helps to correct misbeliefs about complaining in the first place. In fact, even the kindest, most considerate people complain. And complaining doesn't always have a negative impact. Sometimes, complaining can change an unfavorable situation into a more desirable one. Other times, it can foster new relationships with people we don't know well.
The problems start when complaining becomes the default mode(默认模式). "When we have a need to be heard, we repeat ourselves," says Dian Killian, a life coach, "the satisfaction for frequent complainers comes from attention, so they are never satisfied with any suggestion to address the problems that they highlight—resolution isn't their aim."
So, how do you quiet a constant complainer, for the sake of your health and his?
Change the subject. Some complainers will switch gears if you shift the conversation in a direction that interests them.
Summarize the complaint. If your complainer keeps repeating himself, he may stop if you demonstrate that you're listening.
Challenge the person to act. When a constant complainer tells you about his latest problem, ask nicely what he's done to improve it.
Be honest. When you have things to do, tell the complainer that you must cut the conversation short—especially if it's someone who's complained to you many times before.
When someone stresses you out with lots of negativity, it's important to talk about the problem. Otherwise, if you bottle up your feelings and continue listening to repeated complaints, you may grow annoyed or start avoiding the person.
Remember: Quieting a constant complainer can be beneficial to both of you.
●Complaining frequently is a way that people ask for suggestions for their problems.
