The secrets of successful listening
"When people talk, listen completely." Those words of Ernest Hemingway might be a pretty good guiding principle for many managers, as might the saying by Zeno of Citium, a Greek philosopher, "We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say."
Some firms use a technique known as a "listening circle". In such a circle, only one person can talk about the issues they face at a time and there is no interruption. A study cited in the Harvard Business Review found that employees who had taken part in a listening circle then suffered less social anxiety and had fewer worries about work-related matters than those who did not.
Listening has been critical to the career of Richard Mullender, who was a hostage (人质) negotiator, dealing with everything from suicide (自杀) prevention to international crimes. He defines listening as "the identification, selection and comprehension of the key words". Plenty of people think that good listening is about nodding your head or keeping eye contact. But that is not really listening, Mr Mullender argues.
A good listener is always looking for facts, emotions and indications of the speaker's values. Another important point to bear in mind is that, when you talk, you are not listening. The listener's focus should be on analysis.
One approach is to make an assessment of what the other person is telling you and then check it with them ("It seems to me that what you want is X"). The fundamental aim is to build up a relationship so the other person likes you and trusts you, Mr Mullender says.
A. It is vital to all effective communication.
B. However, a listener needs to speak occasionally.
C. For people like listening to others.
D. That gives the other party a sense that they are being understood.
E. Therefore, a listener shouldn't just listen.
F. In it participants are encouraged to talk openly and honestly.
G. For people like being listened to.
