Friends are special people who we share our lives with, and who share their lives with us in return. But seeking friends and keeping the friendship going are never easy. According to research recently published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the key is to use "we-talk".
The research reviewed and analyzed 30 different studies involving over 5,000 participants. This largest-ever analysis of "we-talk" suggested that the frequent use of "we" and "us" is linked to happier and healthier relationships. The word "we" moves people from an individual position into a partnership, which makes us more interdependent (相互依赖的). "The pronouns offer an insight into whether people see themselves as individuals or as part of a whole. Word use is a window into what people are thinking and feeling without asking them," Megan Robbins told Science Daily. The research also found that "we-talk" is helpful for resolving conflicts. The primary point is that interdependence may bring about supportive and relationship-centered behaviors and positive acknowledge of the partner — especially important in times of stress and conflict.
Contrary to "we-talk", there is "I-talk", which refers to the frequent use of first singular pronouns, such as "me", and "mine", when writing or speaking. Earlier this year, researchers from the University of Arizona, US, analyzed a set of data that came from 4,700 people in Germany and the US. They found that too much "I-talk" was an accurate verbal marker for the likelihood that someone is feeling stressed or experiencing negative emotions.
As you can see from the studies, too much "I-talk" can make you feel depressed. But "we-talk" can encourage you to become more positive and created a chain action of healthy interdependence with others. So next time you're talking to a friend, try using more "we-talk". You may find yourself feeling more positive — and the effect it will have on your friend will be positive as well.
