Adnan, a 56-year-old father, wants to make it clear that it's not just mothers who can feel like failures in their home life. "I had the fairytale of what I'd be like as a dad," he says. "When our first child was born, I had images of all this stuff we'd do together. It didn't include pictures of sleepless nights, or every item of clothing being covered in snot and yoghurt."
He also says it doesn't get any easier with more children, because each child will have a different personality requiring different methods of parenting. "There's a fine line between child management, focusing on health and safety, and being a present dad, trying to listen to all their voices, "he says.
"No one explains that you're their protector as well as the person meeting their hygiene (卫生) factors, feeding them, listening to playground politics and building their confidence. You're the person who is the narrative in their head about how great they are."
Adnan says that though he doesn't compare himself with other parents, he still finds it hard to shake the fairytale that is firmly in his head, compared with which he always comes up short. "The continuous refereeing (调解) and the delegate decision-making go beyond anything I've done in the workplace," he says, "I keep asking myself ' Am I equipped to deal with this?' I'm a father, a counsellor (咨询师) and a coach. There's also something about being a parent in your 50 s: you don't have the physicality of your 30s."
