Imagine that you've just experienced something unpleasant—your friend has forgotten your birthday, you've been rejected for a new job, or you've just woken up after a long holiday and remembered you need to go to work. How would you typically respond to those feelings? You might try to tell yourself that it doesn't matter, and not to let it get to you. This tendency could be described as "mood shame": The belief that having bad feelings is a personal failing.
Continually looking on the bright side of life might seem strong, even courageous. While it's natural that we might prefer to avoid uncomfortable feelings like disappointment, worry, anger, or sadness, recent psychological research supports the idea that they serve useful purposes in our lives. By learning to see that value and accept those feelings without judgement, we may enjoy better physical and mental health.
Consider anxiety. We may assume that anxious feelings destroy our concentration and reduce our performance on difficult tasks—that we can only succeed on an exam or in an interview if we learn to relax. Alternatively, we can see the feeling as a source of energy. Besides, disappointment may feel unpleasant—but you could recognize that the emotion helps us to learn from our mistakes. And by assigning a more positive meaning to the feeling and acknowledging its potential uses—rather than feeling it is somehow unhealthy—you might change the brain and the body's responses to an upset.
Rather than judging yourself harshly for bad feelings, you might lean into that bad mood, and allow yourself the self-care you need to get through it. Without fighting the emotions themselves, you could start to question whether those feelings have value. Perhaps they'll help you to identify an important change you can make in your life.
