In the early 1990s, my friend Jay was working for IBM and made a good salary. Later, Jay declined an offer from an interesting but small organization because of the low pay. He has regretted it ever since. That small company was Microsoft.
Regret is a reaction to a disappointing event in your life, such as a choice you made that can't be changed, or something you said that you can't take back. It's a heavy and negative emotion connected to pity, sorrow and helplessness and can last for minutes, days, years or even a lifetime. Regret can increase your stress and throw off the balance of immune (免疫) systems.
Fortunately, regret can be overcome through interventions. As a psychologist at the University of Virginia School of Medicine, I conducted a research on stressful emotions. In the research, we found people would experience regret for action or inaction. The action-related regrets, although painful, stimulate people to learn from their mistakes and move on. But the regret related to the inaction is more likely to lead to depression and anxiety. Avoiding or denying regret only can increase negative feelings and extend the time people suffer with them. Rather than stay stuck, people can manage these emotions in four steps: First, accept the fact that you are feeling them; determine why you are feeling them; allow yourself to learn from them; and finally, release them and move forward.
In Jay's case, at first he pushed away his feelings of regret. He continued to struggle with thoughts of what he missed. He did not change until he approached and explored his feelings of regret. Eventually he accepted the fact and reminded himself of his rationale at the time- he failed to recognize the potential of Microsoft. On making future decisions, Jay recognized the importance of obtaining information about opportunities and challenged himself to learn about the big players in the field. Doing so allowed him to move on and ultimately forgive himself.
