My 20-year-old daughter, Ann, living in Philadelphia, sent me a message the other day. "I need socks and shampoo." She was actually asking me to prepare those things for her, but I thought she was playing a cell phone game. I decide not to be a helicopter (直升机) mother, because experience as a mother and professor has taught me how badly that can result. Instead, I prefer a more hands-off way. From the time Ann turned 16, I don't want to know her work and life schedule any longer.
But that's not what I see at Drexel University where I teach. Most of my students talk to their parents three times a day or more. One student's mother called her son because she didn't hear from him for a few days. The son was in the library so he whispered "hello". The mother doubted that he was drinking, and insisted on asking him to take a picture of himself. Holding a newspaper with that day's date, the son had to take a photo of himself and sent it to his mother in order to prove that he wasn't telling a lie.
I always think that my students should depend on themselves. I tell them that I will not check whether they miss classes and finish homework or not, because they are independent thinkers and they should take responsibility for their own choices. But their parents don't treat them like me. I know a mother. She puts her eyes on her son too much. She hopes he will walk by the camera so that she can know what he is doing. Another mother checks her son's credit card daily. However, I never do that. My daughters only come to me with important things when they need my decision. I think that's because I give them space.
Many parents try to find if their kids are hiding from them. But we have to learn to respect boundaries(界限), even when technology is so powerful now. So I am going to do my best not to be a helicopter parent.
