Unhappily married for many years, Peter waited until his children were grown up before he divorced (离婚) their mother. He hoped this would make the experience less unhappy for them. Yet in the six years since, he has not seen either of his two sons. "For me it has been completely destructive, " he says. "I get teary when I think about them. "
Though people tend not to talk about it much, family estrangement (失和) seems to be widespread in America. The relationship most commonly cut off is that between parent and adult child, and in most cases it is the child who holds the knife.
Because family estrangement has been a subject of research only for the past decade, there are no data to show whether it is becoming more common. But many sociologists and psychologists (心理学家) think it is. In one way this seems surprising. Divorce increases the risk of family divisions. Yet in recent years，America＇s divorce rate has fallen. So Dr. Coleman thinks other factors (因素) are making parent-child estrangements likelier than ever.
A rise in individualism that emphasizes personal happiness is the biggest factor. Realization of personal value has increasingly come to take the place of filial duty (孝顺), says Dr. Coleman. In some ways it is a positive development: people find it easier to separate from parents who have been pushy. But it can also carry heavy costs.
Another factor is that those who decide to break off contact with their parents find support online. Posts on internet forums for people who Want to break ties with their parents show strangers advising an immediate break in contact. This may make it easier to put aside their feelings of guilt.
Raising awareness about the issue in this Way is likely to be important not only because some broken relationships may be fixable. Parent-child estrangement has negative effects beyond the heartbreak it causes. Research suggests that the habit of cutting off relatives is likely to spread in families. But most immediately, it is likely to increase loneliness in old age.
