I was 40, with two adorable children and a caring husband. And I'm enjoying a challenging but1career. Although this is "success", sometimes I feel my heart asking if this is who I truly am.
The chaos of the family kitchen was2: the noise of the kettle, pots and dishes, and the conversation3while I'm making breakfast. I escaped4to my bedroom. Only in silence do I bear the self that is5from the children and wonder who that person might be.
So, I journeyed, for the first time in a decade, without my husband or kids. I went with a friend to6in Iceland. I hoped the consideration of walking would help me better7who I wanted to be. For 6 days, I was absorbed in wild scenery and real weather. The mountains in Iceland rise black and tall into the heavens against the white snow. Looking outside at wild wind and rain and knowing there's no decision to make8the soul. Climbing a mountain against sheets of rain and returning to a tent for a simple meal9me how little I actually needed and how strong I felt10uncomfortable.
I found11in Iceland, and time to consider "the me" outside career and kids as I shared stories with strangers with no12past and no expected future. When I stopped talking and just listened, I was surprised at how my13changed—I became more generous. I learned generosity can14more space and more warmth15when there may not seem enough to go around at first glance.
I came home to16, chaos and love. I know the answer isn't waiting out there on the top of a mountain or inside my head, however17I try to hear; and it isn't in conversations with other seeking souls. The answer is in front of me with every step on my own life's18.
I'm not finding myself, but I'm creating myself. I need the storm as much as I need the quietness. 19is built under a heavy load. I'm expecting to pick up all of my loads and travel20.
