A person called me while I was busy writing yesterday. "I'm reading your book, "he said. "There's a typo (打印错误) on Page 383. "
"Thanks, but you don't need to tell me about it, " I said politely.
He was quite surprised. He expected me to write down the information and then have a talk with him. Instead, I simply thanked him for calling and ended it.
I have got many calls like this in the past 25 years. I knew they wanted to be kind to me. But that kindness often lost the primary meaning. Most of the time, people hoped that I'd become friends with them or I could follow the free advice happily. The typo could set up a relationship between us.
This was where they went wrong. They wanted to have a relationship with me, but they didn't really understand me.
I'm a busy writer. I've written 60 books, over 12, 000 pages. No one is going to print my early books again, so there's nothing I can do about the typo. Also, I have lots of important tasks to finish.
So, a better way to begin a talk with me might be as follows:
"Hi, Bon. I'm reading your book. There's one thing in it that I'd like to discuss with you. It'll take you a few minutes. Do you have free time now? "
This works beautifully in daily life. If you want to set up a relationship with someone, you need to know what he thinks, needs and fears. In other words, you have to, as the old saying goes, "Put yourself in the other person's shoes."