Most people say "yes" much more readily than" no".
A friend is moving house this weekend and would like some help, and you agree. But, what you really wanted were a couple of quiet days relaxing at home. Or a roommate spends the entire weekends playing video games and wants to borrow your homework for" reference". But, you've just finished it after taking a whole day to work hard. Many people say" yes"to these kinds of requests. They usually don't consider their own interests and feelings, and are often angry with themselves afterwards.
Saying "no" requires courage and considerable practice, in fact, according to psychologists. "Everyone wants to be liked," says Gabriele Steinki, a German psychologist." Saying'no'risks losingthe affection of the person asking the favor or even a job."
In fact, refusing a request can even help to strengthen a relationship because it expresses a true feeling. But, for people used to agreeing to every request, changing can be a long and uncomfortable learning process.
Most people believe that "If I say'no', I'll lose the affection of the person. But the affection is important to me." This way of thinking can be replaced by this:" If he only likes me because I always do what suits him, then the price of his affection is too high in the long term."
Steinki says the key is talking to the other person to find a mutual solution." One needs to present the situation from one's own point of view, and to suggest how the situation can be dealt with to the advantage of both parties. The other person must have the feeling that his interests are being considered." When the refusal is not accepted, you can give the reasons calmly again until the person gets the message.
