You might see loneliness as someone (usually an old person) sits alone, staring into the distance or out of a window. Such images are deceptive. Researchers have actually found that those who report experiencing loneliness the most are young people, and such images of solitude (孤独) don't match the experience of loneliness during youth. Those years are typically spent surrounded by other people, at school or at work.
Loneliness during youth can be defined as a negative feeling about a difference between the relationships we have and those we want. This means we might feel lonely in the company of others if we don't feel they understand us or share common interests with us. Although loneliness is often a difficult experience, it can help us to reconnect and to rethink our relationships so that we can build (or seek out) the ones that mean the most to us.
There are certain features of youth that tend to give rise to loneliness. In youth, our friendships are increasingly important in providing us with emotional support. Research shows that young people have higher expectations of their friendships than adults do; they show a preference for larger friend groups, more companionship and higher frequency of contact with friends. When we consider that loneliness serves the function of keeping us safe within our social world, it makes sense that the feeling like we do not "fit in", as so many young people feel, gives rise to loneliness. Another reason is our developing sense of self-discovering who we are. That often means changes to values or beliefs. It can be challenging when your friends are going through the same process, but might not follow the same path as you. Young people often report feeling lonely at school, while home is a comfortable space. But when there are difficulties at home—such as arguments or tension with family members and the departure of supportive family members—these can make the feeling of loneliness worse.
If you find yourself feeling lonely and it seems like nothing is helping, do not give up hope. It is likely that you have not yet found the strategy that works for you. Here are some practical steps you can try, starting with what you can do on your own and moving on to ways to connect with others.
