On July 28, I retired from my position. After teaching for many years, I looked forward to kayaking (划独木舟) with my grandsons, seeing friends and traveling for leisure with my husband. But my body had other plans for me. A broken spine (脊椎) in my back took me down a path that upended my plans.
I have long had back pain. However, I pushed through the pain to do my work, which worsened my condition. Doctors urged an operation when increased disability meant I could not sit, stand or walk for a long time. But I wanted to see whether physical therapy (治疗) could create an easier option.
Indeed, hard work with a great physical therapist has let me improve my mobility, sitting and standing. But X-rays told a different story. My spine was unstable and bending. After careful consideration and a second opinion from another professional, I agreed to surgery yet in the near term. Needless to say, the past months have been tough and the way ahead will be even tougher. Kayaking with my grandsons in the peacefulness of the lake is all out of reach, for now.
When I met my physical therapist for the first time, I was a mess. He listened to me outline my history with tears and then calmly said, "You have to make friends with your body." I have repeated that line to myself daily and worked to embrace my body. I have focused on gratitude. I'm grateful that I do not have a fatal disease. I'm grateful that the body I have remains alert to the world, loved by family and friends. I'm grateful that I am still myself.
I don't know exactly how the future will play out. The surgeon assures me that I should be able to get in my kayak by summer. But I may have to make friends with a different body, one that is mine regardless of the shape.
