"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me, " is an old saying my fourth-grade teacher once told me. I grew up thinking as long as people didn't physically hurt each other, hurtful words were to be tolerated, but I changed my mind after reading Linda O'Connell's story, Two Little Words with a Big Impact. She discussed two words: "and" and "but", and explained how "but" can be one of the most destructive words.
Then I realized I had been hurt by the word "but", and that I had wounded others, too, by using the word thoughtlessly. For example, when I was a teacher and edited my students' stories, I would always say their content was good, but then I would add comments such as "but you need to make your characters more realistic. " I could have said, "Your content is good and making your characters more believable will make it even better.
In setting up guidelines for commenting on writers, I realize we need to praise each other, make helpful remarks, and then praise each other again, without using the word" but. "I remember a college professor who said, " There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism is criticism. She has now passed on, but her words remain with me always.
My fourth-grade teacher's quote was aimed at what she thought was harmless playground teasing, but even teasing hurts. Today, we can read sad news related to many stories where people have been terribly hurt by ugly words and suffered a lot. Now I realize the importance of thinking before speaking, even to avoid seemingly unimportant words like "but. " Sticks and stones break our bones, but thoughtless words also do harm. They can leave marks for a lifetime.
