Kids and teens are often dismissive of praise from their parents. I am sure that parents out there can relate to this, as we all have been told at one time or another by one or several of our kids, "Stop it, Mom. " or even, "You're just saying that because you are my parents, and you have to say that. " I can assure you, though, that they are listening. They will probably not thank you for this praise until they are in their twenties, but don't let that stop you from praising them during their childhood and teen years. Just be careful how you praise them. A little praise may go a long way-especially if it is the right kind of praise.
It appears that the way to go is to praise their efforts according to a study by Brummelman of Utrecht University in the Netherlands and his colleagues. These researchers concluded that kids should be praised primarily for their efforts, rather than for their personal characteristics, because if they are praised for their efforts, then a poor performance is more likely to be seen as a glitch (小故障), rather than a valid reflection of who they are as individuals.
Let's think about this together. If you are a teenager or a child of any age and are constantly told how brilliant you are, then when you do poorly on a test or a few tests, you may feel like you have suddenly lost your status as brilliant and may now feel ashamed that you are merely average or even dumb. If you are a girl who is constantly being told how beautiful you are, then on a day when you don't look or feel so good, you may decide that you are unattractive. This is the problem that develops when we are praising our kids for global personality characteristics that they can't always live up to.