Rejection (拒绝) is a universal experience, but the pain of it can feel so individual. No matter how many times you have experienced it, being told you didn't get the job or that a date doesn't want to see you again is always hurtful.
Historically, the pain that comes with rejection has been a useful tool. For our ancestors, being kept away from a group would have been a death sentence, since it was difficult to survive alone. Thus, the brain likely developed an alarming system to warn us when we were at risk of being rejected. Those who experienced rejection as more painful gained an advantage since they were more likely to adjust their behavior to remain in the group.
Being rejected has far smaller consequences now than it did thousands of years ago. Still, we read it as a threat to our health. The reason why it hurts is the same reason why we experience pain when we step on a sharp object. Research which compared brain activity of people who had experienced rejection with that of people who had experienced physical pain showed that many of the same regions of the brain lit up. The pain is a warning that something is damaging our health.
Concern with rejection is perfectly normal, but being overly worried can affect the quality of our life. If you take rejection personally, your self-worth will suffer; but if you blame it on the general injustice of the world, it will make you angry and bitter. Therefore, it is necessary to do a realistic analysis on what the problem is. If someone doesn't call you back, don't jump to the conclusion that they don't want to talk to you. They might be sick or busy.
Rejection is a normal part of everyone's life. Instead of seeing the shame that comes with rejection as a negative emotion, see it as a sign that your brain is working exactly how it should be.
