I was sitting at my desk when another graduate student in my lab approached me. "Can you help?" he asked. His experiment wasn't working and he desperately needed help. I was then a fifth year PhD student, and I took pride in being the senior member of the lab, whom everyone looked up to. But that also meant I was the one everyone turned to for help — which ate away bours, days, and sometimes weeks that I could have spent on my own research.
There were many reasons I had a hard time saying no to such pleas (恳求). I was new to the United States for graduate school. I found it difficult to make new friends and discover activities I enjoyed. So I spent a huge chank of my time in the lab, with my lab-mates serving as my primary source of social connection. I feared that if I turned down their requests, I'd lose their favor.
But the extra responsibilities came at a cost. I had to work extra hours to catch up with my own work, and I often made sacrifices to my personal life.
It wasn't until my wife gave birth to our first child that I realized how thin I had stretched myself and how misguided my priorities(优先次序) were. While she lay in a hospital bed in the early stages of labor, I sat nearby hunched(伏首前倾的) over my laptop finishing up a work report. Hours later, after hearing my daughter's first cry and watching her tiny fingers grab tightly onto mine, it dawned on me: I should have been fully present during my daughter's birth. I was clearly spending too much time working if my job had intruded(侵入) into one of the most precious moments of my life.
From then on ,I decided to spend more time with my family by declining extra assignments and carefully considering each request for help. I still enjoyed collaborating with others, but I prioritized mutually beneficial tasks or those my manager asked me to take on, rather than accepting everything that came my way.
I noticed many benefits: no longer working overtime and improved work performance. I was also pleased to discover that "Sorry , I'd love to help but I have a deadline coming up" is an acceptable response to a request for assistance.
It's hard to say "no " to those you work with. But I've learned that sometimes that's the best course of action to avoid an excessive workload and lead a freer and happier life.