Many say their most painful moments are saying goodbye to those they love. After watching Cheryl, my cousin, watch her mother suffer for six months before dying, I think the most painful moments can be in waiting to say goodbye.
Cheryl made the two-hour trip over and over to be with her mother. They spent long afternoons holding hands and sharing memories.
Each time she kissed her mother before leaving, her mother would feel sad and say, “I'm sorry you drove so far and sat for so long, and I didn't stay up long to talk with you.”
Cheryl would tell her not to worry. It didn't matter. But still her mother felt she had let her down and said sorry at each goodbye.
“Mom, do you remember when I made the high school basketball team?” Cheryl's mother nodded.
“You'd drive so far and sit for so long, and I never even left the bench to play. You waited for me after every game and each time I felt bad and said sorry to you for wasting your time.” Cheryl gently took her mother's hand.
“Do you remember what you'd say to me?”
“I would say I didn't come to see you play. I came to see you.” “And you meant those words, didn't you?”
“Yes, I really did.”
“Well, now I say the same words to you. I didn't come to see you talk. I came to see you.” Her mother understood and smiled as she fell asleep.
Their afternoons together passed quietly into days, weeks, and months. To the last day they cared each other in silence, love given and received just by seeing each other.
