It's tough to see or hear of a friend in crisis. One idea to keep in mind is that it is healthy for the distressed person to feel what he or she feels in the moment. When a person in crisis feels understood, he or she feels less alone and connected to the person who understands.
A person who experiences empathy(同理心)from a friend who can “go there” for a few minutes in order to authentically understand while still maintaining a strong and supportive attitude may be relieving and healing. While a friend is telling you about the circumstance, the first and most important step is to listen for feelings, not ways to solve the problem.
For example, a friend is terribly upset because her husband is threatening to leave her. After fully honoring the feelings, it is important to ask the friend what would help. Maybe it is a good cry and some ice cream. Perhaps it's a glass of wine and a walk. Everyone has different ways of dealing. Be respectful and ask the friend what she needs or wants, not what you prescribe.
Take a second example, say a close friend is being misrepresented by other friends. The friends are gossiping about her. During a conversation with her, listen for feelings. Honor her hurt and shock. The same equation is useful with a partner.
Helping a friend or partner in crisis not only helps the person, but creates closeness and trust in the relationship, making opening up in the probable future. In addition, the person who is empathizing feels positive because he or she was able to help. When a person is truly able to comfort and reassure a loved one, he or she feels vital and useful, strengthening the relationship.
